Monday, July 16, 2012

my ramousquirrel has no home

I found a dead ramousquirrel in the middle of the road the other day, and I thought to myself 'what happens to all the ramousquirrels out there without any homes to chew their way through?' I soon found the answer to my question in the festering pile of puss and maggots that was a dead ramousquirrel carcass in front of me. Its half coagulated blood pool had an imprint of a tire in it. I realized at that moment that i usually only see dead ramousquirrels in the road. roadkill is one thing; when an animal is dumb enough to run in front of a speeding car, well thats just part of nature but for an entire specie's deceased members to be found in the road, that's malicious intent. I decided to see how deep the rabbit hole goes and picked up a trail of clues which was litterally a trail of body parts. it led me to a pile of ramousquirrel hides and a guy named larry said he just didnt want them fuckers round no more so he lured them across roads with drywall and peanutbutter. so here's to larry in joining the ramousquirrel resistance effort. now all we have to worry about is this:

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Trust me this is super gay.

Wishing you a super gay day... I am happy we can mend our differences and be friends. It means a lot to me. See you soon!

Happy Valentines Day Will


Wednesday, February 8, 2012

16 Reasons Snowboarding is Better Than Sex

16 Reasons Snowboarding is Better Than Sex  
1. You don't have to hide your Snowboarding magazines.
2. It's perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to Snowboard with you once in a while.
3. The Ten Commandments don't say anything about Snowboarding.
4. If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you Snowboarding you don't have to worry about them showing up on the Internet if you become famous.
5. Your Snowboarding partner doesn't get upset about people you snowboarded with long ago.
6. It's perfectly respectable to snowboard on the same hill with a total stranger.
7. When you see a really good Snowboarder, you don't have to feel guilty about imagining the two of you cutting the same track's together.
8. If your regular Snowboarding partner isn't available, he/she won't object if you board with someone else. 9. Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you snowboard by yourself.
10. When dealing with a Snowboard pro, you never have to wonder if they are really an undercover cop. 11. You can have a Snowboard calendar on your wall at the office, tell boarding jokes, and invite coworkers to snowboard with you without getting sued for harassment.
12. There are no snowboarding-transmitted diseases.
13. If you want to watch snowboarding on television, you don't have to subscribe to the Playboy channel. 14. Nobody expects you to snowboard with the same partner for the rest of your life.
15. Nobody expects you to give up snowboarding if your partner loses interest in it.
16. Your Snowboarding partner will never say, "Not again? We just Boreded last week! Is Boarding all you ever think about?"

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

It lives!!!!

The ramousquirrel finally tunneled through the fucking ceiling tonight... i dont know whether to shove my hand up there and try to pull the sucker out or just gnaw it off myself to spare my nub from becoming infected with the no doubt vile disgusting saliva germs this thing has. If I can take comfort in anything its that my better half doesn't have to go through this hell with me tonight, i hope this lesbian likefest gets an exterminator fan soon, cus im gonna end up buying a gun if this thing gets any worse. remember to sleep with one eye open.... HE WILL FIND YOU!

lesbian Chinese Food adventure

The night was young and we were hungry so the solution was obvious... CHINESE FOOD! we placed our order at dragon dynasty, the most central location for nerds and a hot babe in the worcester area to buy kung pow chicken. after placing our order for mucho chicken in many different forms for no apparent reason we went on our journey in the cool kid mobile to pick up our delicious meal. walking in, all we got was a wiff of what was to come...was that cat? mouse? or maybe the RAMOUSQUIRREL that lives above our room...could that even be possible? god we hoped so...any whoo, the nice gentlemen behind the counter noticed us patiently waiting and said " i will be right with you in a moment ladies"...LADIES??? i knew it. on occassion I have been mistaken for a woman, the last time this happend we were in a burger king drive thru and my head was turned towards Erin... they must have noticed my flowing long hair (natuarally, it IS beautiful) instead of my giant oversized penis... after that i thought to myself....hmmm maybe i really am a lesbian. Anyway, upon receiveing our meal the chinese food guy proceeded to place a precarious pouch of soy sauce on the top of the order in the bag, he did this with the intent of ruining my stupid burton jacket, SUCCESS! my jacket now covered in sauce i whined and whined like a little baby and drove home angrily almost running over several small children on the way. we settled in after eating and watched a movie which i dont remember the end of do to some dildo swinging, but as i lay tired staring at the ceiling before sleep i thought to myself, maybe my girlfriend is trying to turn me into a woman so she can be a lesbian for real... that would explain the taste of estrogen pills in my food last night....sigh -Will